26/06: Joke | Noisy KidA little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver
and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd
be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues
with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I
would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets
angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your
mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
25/06: Joke | Good deedJerry’s at the urinal in an airport restroom when a guy with no
arms sidles up next to him and pleads, “Hey, buddy-can you
help me out here?”
Though he feels uneasy, Jerry bravely unzips the man, takes a
deep breath, and reaches in to pull out the guy’s penis. Much to
his horror, it’s hideous. It’s moldy and bluish green, covered
with pus-filled scabs, and it reeks something awful.
Imagining the kudos he’ll get on Judgment Day, Jerry holds the
man’s unit while he finishes urinating, shakes it, then puts it
back in the man’s pants and zips him up.
The guy tells Jerry, “Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.”
“No problem,” says Jerry. “But I gotta ask-What the hell’s wrong
with your johnson?”
The guy pokes his arms back out of his sleeves and says, “I
don’t know, but I sure as hell ain’t touching it.”
24/06: Joke | Michael JacksonMichael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room
with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and
Michael asks: “Doctor, how long before we can have sex?”
The doctor replies, “I’d wait until he’s at least 14.”
23/06: Joke | The chief
Along time ago in a far away place their was a little indian boy. One day the little boy wondered who named all the children in the tribe. So he went to his mother and asked, “Mother, who names all the people in the tribe?” And the mother replied, “the Great Chief of our tribe names everyone in our clan”.
“So the boy went to the Great Chief and asked, Oh Great Chief, how do you name everyone in our tribe?”. The Great Chief looked at the small boy and said in a very wise and mature voice, “My little warrior you ask a good question and I shall answer it.”
“You see, when our tribe is blessed with a new baby I walk outside of my teepee and the first thing I see is what I name the new child.” “If I see snow gently falling I say, your name will be snow gently falling. If I see an eagle in the sky I say, your name will be eagle in the sky. But tell me two dogs f*cking why are you so curious?”
21/06: Joke | Giant mansionA man is driving out in the middle of the woods during a rainstorm. His car breaks down, and the inly
house around is a giant mansion on top of a hill, so he goes up and knocks on the door. A little chinese
man answers the door,and asks if everything is ok. The man describes his problem, but the chineseman
says the phone lines are down, but he is welcome to stay until morning, but only under 1 condition, he
can’t sleep with the chinese man’s daughter.
The guy thinks, no problem, how hard could it be? He walks in, and immediately, all he can think about is
sex, because this girl is so beautiful. She def likes him and starts flirting right away. That night the
chinese man walks him to his room, just accross the hall from his daughter’s room. He reminds him
again to stay away from his daughter, or he will inflict the 3 ancient chinese tortures on him.
Of course, the man thinks nothing of these “tortures” and goes into the daughter’s bedroom to find her
naked, waiting for him. It is the greatest day of his life! So, afte they are done, he sneeks back in to his
room and goes to sleep.
He wakes up the next morning, and there is a 100 lbs boulder on his chest with a sticky note attached to
it. The sticky note reads, “ancient chinese torture #1 - Boulder on chest”
He laughs at how dumb this chinese thing was, so he carries the boulder over to the window, and
throws it out, off of the third floor. While the boulder is falling, he looks to his left, and on the window
sill is another sticky note. This one reads, “Ancient Chinese Torture #2 - Left testicle tied to boulder”
He freaks out, and immediately jumps out the window, happier to break his legs than lose a nut.
While he is falling, he finds another sticky note floating down next to him on the string from the
boulder to his nut. This one reads,
“Ancient Chinese Torture #3 - Right testicle tied to bed post”
14/06: Joke | Prize BikeA 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"
"Oh i had sex with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.
When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had sex with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,
"Nah dad my bum is still sore."
14/06: Jokes | JeevesA wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay at the party, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her and led him into the master bedroom. She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress. "
He did this carefully.
"Jeeves," she continued. "Take off my stockings and garter."
He silently obeyed her.
"Jeeves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties."
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She then said, "Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"